Maybe the right title is “Are you scared of divorce?”
Recently, someone told me their story of a relationship that went very wrong.
This woman found out she was pregnant six months into a relationship that was going very well. After confirming the pregnancy, she told her partner. Can you guess his reaction?
Poof! He disappeared completely. Not a word or a letter, nothing, nada, Zilch!
Here was a guy she respected, loved and thought she knew, and he reacted in a way she couldn’t begin to fathom.
Unfortunately, this kind of story happens a lot. A woman or man finds a mate that turns out to be the wrong choice. We’re all scared of that considering the statistics don’t lie. 50% of marriages end in divorce.
So, women and men become ruled by fear and overwhelmed by choice.
Yes, overwhelmed with choices and scared to make the wrong one.
If you look back in the not too distant past, you will find that women and men had a rather limited pool to choose from in picking a mate. Lives were centered around where people grew up. Forty or fifty years ago, we did not have the physical mobility or the connectivity we have today. As a result, most couples met up within a limited radius of their homes. They met their mates at school, church, employment or through mutual or family connections.
But that is not the most important dynamic at work. With a more limited choice, women (and men) were forced to select from an already short list. Choosing was much easier.
Now with a much wider and more diverse selection available, women and men are finding it much more difficult to settle on “the one”. Too many options does not make for better selection, it actually puts most women and men in the state of not being able to make a choice. They realize there are many to select from … so how do you ever make the choice. How to you pull the trigger and say, this is the one?
What if I make the wrong choice? There are far too many stories around of women who did just that. The thought of making the wrong choice is very frightening. There are just too many factors to consider. Will he be good with children? Will we grow at the same pace? Will the things that make him fun and interesting grow old with time?
The fear of making the wrong choice keeps far too many women and men from making any choice. But failing to make a choice is making a choice.
Check back for part 2 of this post where I’ll tell you how overcome the fear of choosing wrong.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Hi Lanay! I definitely am afraid of choosing wrong. I feel like I have a great guy, overall. But, I still seem to always wonder if there isn't someone better who may fit me a little bit better, who may be more adventurous or fun or able to get a job abroad or whatever. I wonder if I'll ever just be happy. But after 6 years of being together, off and on and off and on, I wonder if it's time to let go or commit?